MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS


A short while ago, my co-worker Marco went back to school to learn all about dream analysis. It was a good thing too. The night before he returned to work, I had a real spinner. I dreamed I was in the Stikine Valley videotaping too grizzly bears having sex. My intention was to put the resulting cinematographic masterpiece on my web site so I could make thousands of dollars a day in sponsorship payments from America On Line.

Suddenly the bears spotted me and charged. They looked at me as a post coital snack. As they tied on their bibs, I woke up.

“Hey Marco,” I said. Analyze this. I told him my dream.

“I don’t think you want an analysis of that,” he said. I suppose he’s right. I know how to analyze it myself. My dream was a premonition that I need to change some aspects of my life. Specifically, I need to stop clowning around and spend more time minding my own business.

Over the past few years, I thought a lot about business. Sometimes I teach workshops on: Starting your own business; Assessing yourself for self-employment; and How to file for bankruptcy. Other than the last one, I would think I’m the worst candidate to be an expert on business.

In all my workshops, I tell everyone that successful business people spend most of their time minding their businesses. I don’t. I spend most of my time either minding someone else’s business, or forgetting I have my own business to run.

I tell my classes that successful business people juggle several contracts at a time. I have difficulty juggling one. I lie to them and tell them they need to learn Time Management. They don’t need Time Management. They need reputations. They need to do a good job on the first contract so they can land the second. When six or seven contracts to juggle, they still don’t need Time Management. They need help. They need to hire.

I putter too much to be a business success and spread myself too thinly. The work I do is too diverse, and I forget where I am. Sometimes it’s difficult to fathom exactly which business I should be minding.

If I do a workshop, I forget to tell people they should come to my fitness class. I get too enthralled by the topic – especially if it’s bankruptcy. People filing for bankruptcy have stress, and fitness classes are good for stress. The more people I attract to my class, the less likely they will cancel it.

When I teach a fitness class, I forget to tell people about my book. The adrenalin rush which accompanies teaching causes me to forget that I’ve written anything. Even if I remember that I’ve written a book, most people don’t bring money to their classes. They wear spandex, and spandex doesn’t come with pockets. No pockets, no wallet. No wallet, no money.

When I do a contract as an archaeologist, I keep having second thoughts about the observations I make, and I have to go back to double check. This costs time, and time is money. Worse, archaeologists deal with bones, rocks, and dead things. Dead things don’t do jumping jacks, go to workshops, or read.

Worst of all, I forget to put all the stuff I’m doing on this web site, and I certainly don’t have the financial resources to do all the promotional work I should be doing to attract eager readers to my site. This means I’ll have to rely on sex. I’ll have to join the crowd and put up a secret camera that’s on 24 hours a day. I know everyone will pay to see me rewinding my tapes, writing articles, and looking around for my shovel to do archaeological surveys. Maybe I really should go up top the Stikine Valley to film grizzly bears having sex.

 

Mike Broderick is an Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he finds employment for people with physical disabilities. Part of this work means affiliation with the Vancouver Board of Trade where he is a member of the Ambassador Club, the Burnaby Board of Trade where he is a member of the Labour Task Force, the Tri Cities Chamber of Commerce where he is an active member of the 10X10 initiative, and the Abbotsford Chamber of Commerce. He also does some work as a field Archaeologist. He is also a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive  

You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at michaelb@neilsquire.ca. re looking for a change, start with a resume makeover at competitive rates

When he is not doing all the above, he lives in Port Coquitlam with his partner Cecelia

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2 Responses to “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS”

  1. Can a real estate broker and a lawyer start a real estate company together? | Says:

    […] MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS « SpinDoctorResumes […]

  2. mikebroderick Says:

    In these parts, or at least in my experience, a lawyer is hired by a bank or a mortgage broker to oversee a transaction such as a new purchase or a refinancing. Your fiancee woud, in this case, probably want to gear his practice towards the banks. That could happen from the same office, however.

    …/Mike

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