STILL THROWING LIKE A GIRL


This morning, on CBC Radio’s Sunday Edition, there was a piece on the unwritten rules of baseball. This prompted the following letter wherein I shamelessly recycled my March 1 article on throwing like a girl. Please feel free to enjoy it again:

Mike Broderick,

3590 Hamilton Street,

Port Coquitlam, BC

V3B 2Z7

Michael Enright

The Sunday Edition

C/O cbc. ca

Dear Michael,

Thank you for your wonderful celebration on the return of baseball – complete with its unwritten code of behaviour.  I listened as I drove home from teaching a fitness class some 50 km away. You missed one thing – How to throw the damned thing in the first place:

Every year, about this time, I cannot fight the urge,

To organize a softball game. It’s my yearly hormone surge.

This year is no exception, I oiled my mitt today,

I cannot fight the urge to get a ball game underway.

 

I need to test my body out, to hit and run and slide,

I need to tag a batter out. I need to burst with pride.

I need to test a theory out. A notion not sublime,

That all those hours spent in the gym were not a waste of time.

 

One would think that all those classes I teach throughout the week,

Would render me in awesome shape. All slim and trim and sleek.

Step classes caused my thighs to swell with muscle I ne’er can hide,

I should run those bases fast, deke a baseman with my slide.

 

And all that other body work: bench presses, squats, and curls,

Combined with all those triceps lifts – my arms resemble burls,

Should merge to give me batting strength, while swinging at the plate.

The fielders running down my drives will show chagrin and hate.

 

And all that cardiovascular work will prove that I am fit.

Enhanced lung power will doubtless add velocity to my spit.

But there is one thing I cannot change, as I wind up to hurl,

In spite of all that training, I still throw like a girl.

Mike Broderick is an Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he finds employment for people with physical disabilities. Part of this work means affiliation with the Vancouver Board of Trade where he is a member of the Ambassador Club, the Burnaby Board of Trade where he is a member of the Labour Task Force, the Tri Cities Chamber of Commerce where he is an active member of the 10X10 initiative, and the Abbotsford Chamber of Commerce. He also does some work as a field Archaeologist. He is also a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive magazineDoctor in Port Coquitlam. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at michaelb@neilsquire.ca.re looking for a change, start with a resume makeover at competitive rates

When he is not doing all this he lives in Port Coquitlam with his partner Cecelia

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