AEROBIC WRASSLIN’


The fitness market is fraught with gimmicks to help you burn that fat,

Most of them will make your bank book bleed.

The 80’s myths of target zones still persist today,

That’s why I don’t trust everything I read.

 

The array of junk that’s out there, and the types of fitness classes,

And the guarantees and promises they’re keeping,

Tie the heart rate to equations, that denote our fat is burning,

But now we know we burn fat when we’re sleeping.

 

“It really doesn’t matter,” I say to the ever-present question.

“How do I get that jelly off my middle?”

“Spot reduction doesn’t work, Burn calories – some from fat,

And run or walk or dance or play the fiddle.”

 

“Just consume less calories than you’re burning off,” I say

“That means you have to do a  lot less chewing.

“The secret is to find something that can move you every day,

“And make that something that you’re fond of doing.”

 

With that in mind, you can select the gadgets in the market,

Perhaps you want to buy a bike that rows.

For me, I like to teach a class of fitness every day,

The adrenaline tends to make my calories glow.

 

It’s hard to stay on top of all the changes in the field,

With acrobatics, Boxercise, Tai-bo and Pilates classes,

I suspect that the only limit to the changes is the yield,

Of people ready to get up off their asses.

 

The Law of Supply and Demand contends that some of us will lose.

We struggle and we get our minds a-hassling

To find that perfect ratio of enjoyment to exertion,

For the perfect class, I say – Aerobic Rassling

 

With Tai-Bo and boxercise the opponent is yourself,

As you throw a dozen punches in the air.

Aerobic rassling is hands-on stuff with a million grips and holds,

Just keep away from puling Spandex tops and hair.

 

I can hear the cash a-pouring in as grapplers stand in line,

To bop me with a cocobonk, or whack me with a chair.

To put me in a hammer lock, or scissor lock, or suplex

Or flip me in the air with a well-timed flying mare,

 

For me aerobic rassling fulfils a need I cannot hide,

It’s flair for drama, and cheesy taunts,

Bring out my submissive side.

 

Some people have all the fun!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvY4j9_YS1I

Mike Broderick is an Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he finds employment for people with physical disabilities. Part of this work means affiliation with the Vancouver Board of Trade where he is a member of the Ambassador Club, the Burnaby Board of Trade where he is a member of the Labour Task Force, the Tri Cities Chamber of Commerce where he is an active member of the 10X10 initiative, and the Abbotsford Chamber of Commerce. He does some work as a field Archaeologist and is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive magazine in Port Coquitlam. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at michaelb@neilsquire.ca. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates When he is not doing all this he lives in Port Coquitlam with his partner Cecelia.

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4 Responses to “AEROBIC WRASSLIN’”

  1. Sharon Says:

    Mike,
    Funny and so true. May we choose a hunky partner for the aerobic wrasslin’? Otherwise it’s no fun.
    My problem is the one you listed so artistically – I don’t want to get off my a**. But once I’m up I enjoy it.
    Keep up the good work.

  2. stacy Says:

    makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages

  3. sochi olimpiada Says:

    О! 这是非常有趣的阅读。我要注明你在我的博客文章。它可以吗?而你等一个Twitter帐号?

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