THE STRANGE CASE OF DR. BRODERICK AND MR. HUNK


I don’t know whether anyone has noticed, but loyalty cards have been in effect for at least 20 years in Canada. They are cards that will save you money for being a member of a “club”. Safeway has “Club Cards,”  Petro Canada has “Petro Points.” And Save-on-Foods has “Save-on-More cards.” All of these offer significant discounts in exchange for … probably statistical information  on your buying habits.

The discounts are good, but the torment I needed to go through to get them has given me a split personality. At this point, I don’t know who I am any more.

It started with Safeway. When they first issued the Club Card, it came with a surge of politeness where cashiers were told to look at the receipt, determine the customer’s last name, then thank the customer for shopping there by bastardizing that name by finding ways of mispronouncing it.

One would think that my name, Broderick, would be rather easy to pronounce. You can take the more recognizable name, Roderick and put a capital ‘B’ in front of it. That would be a correct pronunciation. Interestingly, that is not rolls off the tongue of a Safeway cashier.

First, the mispronunciation is done loudly, “Thank you Mr. Boredwick!” she says in a loud and cheerful voice.

“Would you like some help out to your car, Mr. Broadbutt?”

“Will that be everything, Mr. Borderich?”

“Thank you Mr. Boardwalk.”

These got a little tiresome, then came a flurry of mispronunciations that drew attention to my nether regions:

“Did you find everything you wanted, Mr Broadwick?”

“Don’t forget your change, Mr. Broaddick.”

I wondered whether US Senator Anthony Weiner started his career in exhibitionism that way. I wonder if he has a Safeway Club Card.

Years ago, I wrote a book entitled, “Awakening the hunk within.”  At about that time, I lost my Club Card, and I thought that If I changed my name to Mr. Hunk, I could get a little free marketing, give that girl at checkout number three a name she could handle, and put a halt to the bastardization of my real name.

The marketing worked well. I could engage both the check-out girl and my fellow shoppers in a diatribe on some aspect of the fitness industry or a poem or two. Sometimes I was even able to sell a few books. I learned that if I wore Spandex shorts and a muscle shirt while shopping for carrots and cottage cheese as Mr. Hunk, I could get clients for my fitness business. 

If I went into another store in a shirt, tie, and wing tips, and shopped for something less vegan, Dr. Broderick could get clients for his resumes, perhaps an employer for his clients, and, quite possibly, a seat in the US Senate.

Did Anthony Weiner get into all this trouble because of loyalty cards?

Mike Broderick is an Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he finds employment for people with physical disabilities. Part of this work means affiliation with the Vancouver Board of Trade where he is a member of the Ambassador Club, the Burnaby Board of Trade where he is a member of the Labour Task Force, the Tri Cities Chamber of Commerce where he is an active member of the 10X10 initiative, and the Abbotsford Chamber of Commerce. He does some work as a field Archaeologist and is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive magazine in Port Coquitlam. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at michaelb@neilsquire.ca. or at 604-464-4195.  If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates When he is not doing all this he lives in Port Coquitlam with his partner Cecelia.

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9 Responses to “THE STRANGE CASE OF DR. BRODERICK AND MR. HUNK”

  1. Sharon Says:

    ROFL, Mike!! Interesting conjecture. And, funny name stories. My first husband’s name was Cutright. You can imagine what they did with that.

    As for Rep. Weiner, my motto is, “If you don’t want your mother to see it, don’t do it in public.” Sexting definitely qualifies for public.

  2. Samuel Clemons Says:

    What kind of a name is HunkDick anyway?

  3. Valentina@baby quilts Says:

    If you think your name is difficult to pronounce, try Kaltchev; spelling it is out of question 😀 Regarding Sen. Weiner – doesn’t the name say it all?

  4. Adam Says:

    LMAO Mr. Hulk.. emmm Broderick…
    Loved your article. Having a commonly misspelled name I couldn’t identify more with your story:)

  5. Ulki Says:

    The greatest service we can do the common man is to abolish him and make all men uncommon.
    Norman Angell

  6. Gorgon60 Insane Journal Says:

    An Excellent Post On…

    This article was mentioned on Digg this week….

  7. The Strange Case Of Dr Says:

    […] THE STRANGE CASE OF DR. BRODERICK AND MR. HUNK « SpinDoctorResumes THE STRANGE CASE OF DR BRODERICK AND MR. HUNK. By mikebroderick. I don't know whether anyone has noticed, but loyalty cards have been in effect for at least 20 years in Canada. They are cards that will save you money […]

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