AMBUSHED BY AN APPLICATION


The other afternoon I helped one of my clients apply for a position as a dishwasher at a local 5-star hotel. I told my client that I might be a well paying job, as that particular hotel has unionized, and in these parts, some unionized position have good salaries and benefits. While they won’t be retiring with a senator’s pension, they needn’t be homeless.

We applied on line. We uploaded his resume, and did a quick edit job on his cover letter to make it relevant to the job and uploaded that. Just when I thought we were going to wave good-bye to the website, we were transferred to another site where there were 192 questions to answer, and they weren’t multiple choice.

The questions were on one theme:

  • Have you ever been fired for stealing from an employer?
  • Have you ever stolen from an employer?
  • Have you ever thought about stealing from an employer?
  • Are you ever going to steal from an employer?
  • What sort of costume did you get dressed in to steal from an employer?
  • Have you ever turned a co-worker in for stealing from an employer?
  • Would you ever turn a co-worker in for stealing from an employer?
  • What sort of costume would you wear to turn a co-worker in for stealing from an employer?
  • Are you going to steal from and employer?
  • Would you ever steal from me?

Normally I would jump at an opportunity to help a client develop a strategy to present themselves as a good polity Canadian dishwasher. Someone who takes pride in his work, has excellent communication skills, and is genuinely looking for an opportunity to give an employer a firm handshake while making good eye contact.

Unfortunately, this time I just spent an hour with that client and I had another waiting. I also heard there was traffic that afternoon and I needed to teach a fitness class. Finally, I had to pee, and there was no stopping. There was no going back. We were allowed 3 seconds for each question. We missed a few, but we gave it our best.

This was a lot of work for a dishwashing job. Even if my client was able to sequester a few spoons and a cup here and a plate there, what would be his intention? Competing with the hotel for a for a few impromptu banquets?

At the end of the interrogation, the website let us go. I suppose it was time off for good behaviour as my bladder didn’t rupture. It told me it would let us know of the results in a few weeks. I suppose the results were sent off to the RCMP crime lab for analysis. Hopefully I won’t need a lawyer.

On a lighter note, my client begins a new job tomorrow morning at 8:00 at a newly renovated colledge cafeteria. It is a union job with a good salary and benefits. He got the job the old fashioned way. On my instruction he visited the manager with his resume.

 

Mike Broderick is an Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he finds employment for people with physical disabilities. Part of this work means affiliation with the Vancouver Board of Trade where he is a member of the Ambassador Club, the Burnaby Board of Trade where he is a member of the Labour Task Force, the Tri Cities Chamber of Commerce where he is an active member of the 10X10 initiative, and the Abbotsford Chamber of Commerce. He does some work as a field Archaeologist and is a  fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive magazine in Port Coquitlam. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net   or at michaelb@neilsquire.ca.

If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates

 

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One Response to “AMBUSHED BY AN APPLICATION”

  1. Sharon Says:

    Great job, Mike. Funny. So glad your client found a job the old-fashioned way – and that you reached the WC in time.

    On-line apps are a pain. Even so that one was over the top. Questions 1 and 2 make sense. But the rest…. Insane.

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