THREE EXAMPLES OF USELESS CRUD ON YOUR RÉSUMÉ


I often thought that a good title for a book on resumes would be “REFERENCES AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST.” I thought this until about a week ago when I was counting how many résumé stories I had on this blog. Then I thought about how boring it is to brag to a prospective employer that there might be a reference lurking about in the woods somewhere. Then I realized that everyone puts this on their résumés – including me.

How common can I get?

What a waste of a line.

If you have references, you’ll bring them to an interview. If you don’t you’re screwed.

Here are a few other words that can facilitate your resume straight into the circular filing cabinet:

“OBJECTIVE”
There is only one real objective for a resume. To get a job. Many people try to get a way with putting something like this on their resumes:
Objective: To find a position in a respectable company where I can use my skills to claw my way to the top, get a golden handshake, and retire to the Caribbean.

It’s nice to tell an employer what you want, but they don’t care. It’s a little one sided. They want to read about what you can do for them. Further, they want to know the spectrum of things you can do for them. If you’re like me, you an Employment Specialist, a Fitness Instructor, and an Archaeologist. You’ll want to put these down in the following form:
Employment Specialist ● Fitness Instructor ● Archaeologist
That way you’re telling the prospective boss that you can find him a job, get him to do jumping jacks at lunch to prevent heart attacks, and dig the skeletons out of his closet. Who could ask for more?

“TEAM PLAYER”

If you believe everything you read, everyone is a team player – whether they’ve played on a team or not. If you are one of the many self proclaimed team players who made it to the interview stage in your job search, and your prospective employer asks you, “What does it mean to be a team player?” How are you going to handle it?

You could say, “Well I played dodge ball in elementary school,” or “I was a member of the Olympic Team,” or “I have great writing, communicating and negotiating skills that are all part of being a team player.” Then go ahead and tell some success stories about working on a team.

Mike Broderick is an Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he finds employment for people with physical disabilities. Part of this work means affiliation with the Vancouver Board of Trade where he is a member of the Ambassador Club, the Burnaby Board of Trade where he is a member of the Labour Task Force, the Tri Cities Chamber of Commerce where he is an active member of the 10X10 initiative, and the Abbotsford Chamber of Commerce. He does some work as a field Archaeologist and is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive magazine in Port Coquitlam. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at michaelb@neilsquire.ca.
If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates

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2 Responses to “THREE EXAMPLES OF USELESS CRUD ON YOUR RÉSUMÉ”

  1. Sharon Says:

    Great job, Mike, and funny too. I never list an objective, because I’m applying for a specific position.

  2. Bone Cancer Prognosis Says:

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