DIGITAL RACKETEERING


About a year ago my computer began to act up. It was shifting from program to program and was testing my temper. My computer is of the PC type, meaning it is more susceptible to attacks from the outside world.

I tried to reboot it to see what might happen. That Microsoft logo with the flashing centipede-like progress bar flashed at me. It was on for a quarter of an hour so I held the off button until it went off. It turned itself on and launched a repair program. It said it couldn’t fix my problem, but it offered to take me back in time where things were rosier.

I was hoping it could take me back to my 16th birthday so I could start over again. It wanted to take me back to the Sunday before.

That was the day I had to push a 100 foot electric snake down the drain pipe to unplug the toilet. I never wanted to have a repeat of that day.

Miraculously, the thing started, and a program called RegCure popped up on my screen, and it spoke to me in real words.

“Hey Mike,” Regcure said. “I see youz is having trouble wit your computer.”

I felt a team of goose bumps doing jumping jacks on my neck.

“You have to pay $40 bucks and I’ll solve all your problems for you.” It said.

“My plumbing problems too?” I asked.

“Don’t be stooped. Do I look like a plumber? Now get that credit card out.”

After a couple of tries and $80 later, Regcure had my computer running better than before.

Last Sunday I had to shove that 100 foot snake down my pipe again, and last night my computer started to act up again. I heard a voice. It was Regcure the Racketeer again. It told me I was late with my next installment, and my Internet explorer displayed a cartoon version of yours truly being stretched on the rack. There was some sort of gremlin smiling at me holding the business end of a plumbing snake.

“You know what will happen if you don’t pay up. Now get that credit card out.”

This time it was only $40, but my computer is now working better than ever.

Am I wrong in thinking that this is extortion? I think Regcure created the problem on purpose.

Mike Broderick WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he FOUND employment for people with physical disabilities.
HE IS NOW SEEKING OTHER OPPORTUNITIES.
He remains an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist and is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to alive magazine in Port Coquitlam. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105.
If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at a competitive rate.
Apparently 22% of companies in the Greater Vancouver area will be hiring within the next month. Get your resumes ready.

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4 Responses to “DIGITAL RACKETEERING”

  1. Joe Donatelli Says:

    Sounds like they made you an offer you couldn’t refuse!

  2. Sharon Says:

    So funny, Mike. I think the 100 ft snake is causing the problems. Not sure how, but keep your eye on it.

  3. joworsham@yahoo.com Says:

    You got out cheaper than I did. For what I’ve spent on computers and repairs, I could have bought a MaC. My first computer was a MAC. 12 years teaching and not a single problem. NONE Nada, zilch, nyet! Then the school said I had to have a PC. Should have rebeled.

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