MILKING A WILD HORSE


All my life I wanted to be given credit, or have the opportunity to take credit for a inventing witty and pithy saying that could convey an instantly a mental image of an event, an idea, or a concept. I wanted to be like Babe Ruth or Yogi Berra who could roll original, meaningful and hilarious.

Here are some attributed to Babe:
• Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
• How about a little noise. How do you expect a man to putt?
• I had only one superstition. I made sure to touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
• I hear the cheers when they roared and the jeers when they echoed.

Yogi, also a baseballer gave us quotes that were more universal:
• In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
• Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
• Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.
• A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

The great physicist, Neils Bohr must have felt incredibly generous when he gave us, “ Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”

I came close when I was 10. My father constructed a retaining wall out of granite cobbles and concrete to prevent to prevent the back yard from crashing into the basement. I noticed that a lot of the granite cobbles were rotting through natural processes so I hurried the process along a little by chipping bits of it off exposing large and gorgeous quartzite crystals. I washed them off, put them in a box, and sold them to the neighbours door to door saying, “These will look great on your mantelpiece.”

I thought that would be my claim to fame, but alas, I was upstaged by the witty and somewhat vulgar applications of our language as the back yard slid into the basement as a result of my strip mining the retaining wall.

Decades later, I found myself in an archaeological lab doing chemical tests on ancient stone tools. I was identifying traces of blood off of them that would have been a result of them being used by some prehistoric person cutting either himself or some animal. People would ask me what I was doing , and I would answer, “Squeezing blood from a stone.”

I thought that would be a good one, but it wasn’t. Most people thought it was too biblical.

I didn’t continue that research, but others did I was very pleased the other day when I read that a team of archaeologists had given us an early date for the domestication of the horse. Tests were used to find lipids and DNA in a container dating back 5000 years in Kazakhstan.

When I read that, I felt myself breaking into a sweat. I felt a universal truism coming on. It would be a saying that would satisfy innumerable situations.

Wait for it … “YOU CAN’T MILK A WILD HORSE!”

Wasn’t tat worth it? I went to Google to see whether it would pass the smell test. The closest one that came up must have something to do with commitment, “Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?”

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .
He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there “aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look like.
He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”
He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105 If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

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3 Responses to “MILKING A WILD HORSE”

  1. energywriter Says:

    Gosh, Mike, It took you a long time to figure out that one. I’m just a city gal, but tend to give even tame horses their space – when it comes to their tail ends. I pet their noses and necks and leave the rest to their trainers.

    Your story was funny. Loved the selling crystals portion. I can just see your dad’s face and hear his vocabulary.

  2. ZexyExefs Says:

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