ANGULAR MOMENTUM: HOW I MET MY WIFE


I once created a new step pattern for my class which led to matrimony. Before I tell exactly how this came about, I’ll give you the choreography. I know those who can read choreography will be impressed. Those who don’t, please bear with me with my humblest apologies.

* Turnstep with a right lead. (4)
* Continue the turn step on the floor for two and a half steps. Left knee up. Approach the step with two steps. (4)
* Left lead right knee up. Rock back. (4)
* Left lead diagonal off the step. (4)
* Left knee up straddle – move back. (4)
* Right leg side abduction straddle – move back (4)
* Left hamstring curl (4)
* Hop over the step. (4)
* Repeat with a left lead.

Not bad, eh? It covered all my requirements. There are no taps, it has thirty-two beats before it repeats, and it is self-reversing. There’s also lots of room for a shameless energy expenditure with verbal “hoofs” and Tarzan yodels as that approach to the step allows you to feel the momentum of the maneuver.

Most people don’t know that when I’m not being a hunk by writing these articles or teaching fitness classes, I’m a vocational rehab counsellor. At that time I worked with people from the Pacific salmon fishery experiencing hardship because of the downturn in the industry. No fish in the ocean means no opportunities to fish.

Also at that time, the computer I used to enter all my fabrications of the truth and wild guesses started humming quite loudly. My co-workers noticed this was affecting my nerves. “What’s that hum?” they would ask.

“B – flat.” I would answer. We tune electrical voltage regulators and ballasts to B – flat. My computer conformed to this – but the volume approached that of the whistle of a freighter.

They insisted that I order a new computer. They cited evidence such as pens bent to a 90-degree angle and panicking fishermen dashing out of my office in sheer terror to support the demand. I found some slippage in the budget, and ordered a new one. In the mean time I had to contend with the idiosyncrasies of the old one that were causing a facial tic.

My last client on a Tuesday afternoon told me of her plan to return to school and get some training for a new career. I could barely hear her, so I started putting together a plan for my step class that evening while practicing my facial tics and bending my pens. Suddenly, my machine, that my co-workers dubbed, “the Anti-Christ,” emitted a loud whine and a fizzle. A wisp of PCB – laded smoke came out of the box. This, I assumed, was its final death rattle. It fell silent.

My co-workers started cheering. “I have to unplug it,” I told my client. I did so, and took the box outside to avoid an office fire. My client followed. “Do you want to see the new step maneuver I’m going to try out this evening?” I asked.
“Not really,” she said. “I want you to help me with my plan.”

“Can’t be done,” I said while laying the box on the sidewalk. “If I can’t enter it, it can’t be done this afternoon.”
I showed her the angular momentum pattern. She smiled. “Can I try?” she said. She came to my class that night and my facial tic went away.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment.

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there “aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look like.

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105 If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

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  4. energywriter Says:

    Great story. So glad it worked out well. And, she still loves you despite the dead critters in the freezer.
    If that had been me, I would still be curled in the fetal position weeping that I couldn’t keep up with your steps.

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