DOOR WARS


The weather is relatively balmy tonight up here on the west coast of Canada, Not like last week when the weather was flirting with 0 degrees.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Mike, you’re a wimp. On the East Coast of the United States we don’t even think of buttoning our vests until it gets to minus 10. Har!”

Well you east coasters can ‘Har!’ all you like, because it’s worse that that. Our zero degrees here is the same as your 32 degrees there. A few years ago in Canada, our government directed us to measure temperature in centipedes, but ir doesn’t make it any colder, and last weekend the mercury in the thermometer was flirting with,… well … OK…32 degrees. And there was a skiff of black ice leading up to the door of Kerrisdale Community Centre.

I also noticed that a brick of ice was starting to form on  my moustache.

I was setting up for my weekly fair – my Sunday Morning Step Class at Kerrisdale, and several questions were going through my head including: Is anyone going to come? If they do come, will they like the class,? Will any one fall over? Will I fall over?

I often wonder why more fitness instructors don’t get treated for anxiety. Anxiety, however, is good for masking the fact that it was frickin’ cold out there no matter which scale you use – especially when opening the auditorium door to let the fresh air in.

Someone once said that there are three types of people in the world: those who cah count and those who can’t. I disagree. I would say there are three types: fresh air fiends who need more oxygen than anyone has a right to, stuffyists who crave warmth and plenty of pre-breathed  carbon dioxide, and those who are militantly apathetic.

That would be me.  I was opening the fire escape door to let a blanket of crisp fresh oxygen settle in the room.  I left the room to fill my water bottle (It was empty because I didn’t want it to freeze up before the end of class. I returned to a class of 35 people. Most were shivering but they didn’t complain. There might be some east coasters there who say, “Har!” a lot.

Without any warning, a stuffiest shut the door.

Then a fresh air fiend opened the door, then another stuffiest closed it. This went on in front of me for a few minutes. I thought it was all comical until a Fresh Air Fiend and a stuffiest  interrupted Beyoncé Knowles singing , “Put a ring on it”

There was no doubt about it. I was about to experience a full-fledged mutiny if I couldn’t nip the bud off this one. I was heading for hair pulling hell – and I don’t have any.

“Ladies. “ I said. “We can keep the doors shut  for five songs. Then we’ll open them up if anyone remembers.

Nobody remembered.

I hope it rains tomorrow. At least the roof no longer leaks. Har!

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .
He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there “aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look like.
He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”
He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105 If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

 

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One Response to “DOOR WARS”

  1. Sharon Says:

    So funny, Mike. I love your categories of fresh/stuffy air people, esp.”militantly apathetic.” Ending was great.

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