MY ALTER EGO RIDES AGAIN


A few weeks ago i bought a can of coffee from the local supermarket. I was handed a BINGO scratch card with my receipt. In a seemingly reflective action I pulled out my trusty thumb nail and removed the latex coating to reveal writing underneath. I was expecting to see the words “TRY AGAIN” as per usual, but I didn’t. I saw, “YOU ARE ELIGIBLE TO WIN A 57”FLAT SCREEN TV”
“What does this mean?” I asked the cashier.

“Beats me,” she said. “Better take it over to Customer Service.”

At Customer Service I learned that I needed to fill out a form and it would be placed in a draw for the grand prize on Thursday
When I filled out the form they checked my driver’s licence and rejected me. My phone number belonged to a certain Mr. Hunk.

“I am Mr. Hunk.” I said.

“No you’re not. Not according to your driver’s licence.”

“Mr. Hunk is my alter ego.” I explained.

“Alter egos aren’t allowed to win.” She said. “In fact, I should be calling the police fraud squad on you.”
That was how I came to be standing at the Customer Service desk being asked questions by Constable Scrutton of the Port Coquitlam RCMP. He was hoping he had his man.

“Tell me about this Mr. Hunk,” He asked.

As I explained to the constable, I used to use my real name on my rewards card. At that time they were going through a PR campaign of customer service where they had to thank their customers for shopping there and call them by their last name. I always thought that my name is easy to pronounce. It’s pronounced just the way it’s spelled. Broderick. You should have heard the variations I was getting. Borderich, Broadwich, Boardwalk Borderwackker. There isn’t much one can do about that. Then I heard the variation Broaddick as in Broad Dick. The cashier smiled and raised her eyebrows as she said.

“Well,” I said. “If you’ve got, you flaunt it, right?

“I suppose so,” she said handing me my receipt.

I once wrote and self-published a book entitled “Awakening the Hunk Within” that I sold to people in my fitness classes. It was a diatribe on the fitness industry with stories like How to cheat at aerobics and A hunk in the bedroom. I almost made the cost of production in sales. I decided that I would accidently lose my reward card and apply for a new one under the name Mr. Hunk. I felt a certain pride when all the tellers thanked Mr. Hunk for shopping there. It was a name they could deal with. It was only one syllable.

Constable Scrutton told me he gets the same problem. ” I could retire if I had a nickel for every time I was called Mr. Scrotum. I can’t charge you with anything. You … Just … Made…My …Day!”

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .
He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there “aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.
He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”
He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

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