KEEL-HAULED BY MODERN-DAY PIRATES

December 15, 2014

It’s been a while since I’ve had the opportunity to post on this site. In the month of November I had an article to write for Alive Magazine that will be out in March, a stack of resumes to compose, and a seminar to prepare on the use of Social Media to facilitate job search. It’s also been busy at work, and I have been fending off pirates.
The pirates showed up a few months ago. They came with dozens of winged breasts fluttering across bu computer screen like migrating monarch butterflies . I would have thought I was having a sexual fantasy if it weren’t for the fact that they began to play audio ads for Absorbine Junior for the treatment of foot fungus. It is difficult to connect the itchiness of athletes’ feet and fluttering breasts to come up with any meaningful fantasy.
The pirates dropped anchor near my C-Moss clock and dispatched dingys of techies to have their way with my hard drive and to see what they could extort from my bank account. I didn’t want to write about it, but I needed to warn everyone, and the took me for almost the cost of my computer so far and they’re after more.
The first attack came in the form of a youngish sounding polite man with a slight Asian accent named Jordan. He told me he was answering a bunch of automatic messages from my computer to his workstation. He told me that he was from Windows, and that there was something terribly wrong with my computer. “I suppose you’ve already noticed the breasts,” he said. “You have the dreaded Migrating Breast virus, and it will likely do real damage to your computer. You don’t want all your clients to see breasts all over your client’s documents, do you?”
Then he said he was going to fix it, and he got me to give him all my banking information And to let him have remote access to my computer. He also gave me a year’s worth of repairs for only $300. What a deal. It was like having my own private pirate for a year.
About 3 months later the pirates returned to my sandy shores. They approached me by telephone. They said ist was Window’s “Refundation” Department. They said that the problems I had with my computer were so serious that even Windows couldn’t fix it. As a sign of good faith, the “Refundation” department was going to repay me. Unlike Jordan, this pirate was considerably short tempered and he hung up on me.
Three weeks later he called again, then again in another three weeks. I’ll say one thing about those windows pirates, they’re patient.
Finally, Jordan called again. He didn’t get flustered and hang up. Then I learned the depth of the scam. He got may bank information, then claimed to overpay be by $400. Then he put a hold on my computer and he would keep holding it until I wired him that supposed overpayment to an address in India. Then he released my computer and made adjustments to it that would make it run better. He manipulated my computer running scans. The money was never returned, and I am now out $750.
The other day, a bIg green bar appeared on my screen. It said Windows needed my help. It appears every tree hours my computer is on. There were apparently updates that my computer couldn’t access. I did a google search on how to get updates and found a Window’s technician who was eager to do a scan for me. He did, then presented me with a bill for $350, and suggested I pay it or all manner of harm would come to my computer. I didn’t. The story was all too familiar. I turned off my computer.

 

Yesterday I got a call from none other than my old pal Jordan. He was responding to the scan he just did on my computer.

 

“I thought you were from the ‘Refundation’ Department,” I said. He hung up on me.
I feel I may have the upper hand..
Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .
He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.
He is a newly retired ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a former member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”
He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

BOOTING THE TV OUT OF THE BEDROOM

November 16, 2014

This morning, one of the participants in my 9:00 AM Circuit Training Class at West Point Grey Community Centre told me, ”My television got me into fitness when I was fifteen years old. Now you want me to get rid of it. What is going on? Are you starting a cult?”

A few minutes earlier, I told the class her that about some research that was being made public concerning the relationship between diabetes, cancer and obesity and the amount of sleep people are getting. The particular research was brought to my attention in an email from one of my managers at Fraser Health where I work. “The bedroom,” my manager wrote, “Is for sleeping and having sex. Nothing more.” I read the article because I think it’s great that a manager would care about his employees enough to give us permission to have sex.

The article concerns the relationship between sleep these conditions promote, and the relationship between blue light and in the bedroom and how it inhibits the body’s ability to produce the sleep hormone melatonin.

During the day, the body is drenched in blue light which supresses the amount of melatonin which causes the body to be alert. Night-time light bas little blue light, and the body can produce melatonin which makes us tired. When we finally get to the deepest part of sleep, or Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, the body starts to replenish and reboot itself. This is good, because it gives the body a chance to recuperate from all the stresses of the day. REM sleep is necessary for good health.
When cellular phones and flat screen Televisions enter the bedrooms, the body, which is supposed to be sleeping, is once again drenched in blue light from the cell phone and TV screens. Melatonin ceases to me supressed, and the body remains more alert than it ought to be. In short, the body switches to government worker mode.

Finally, research I can relate to. My bedroom television has taken on the status as a member of the family. It is a huge flat-screened TV that is always on. It’s usually on with the “Home and Garden Network blaring away. The Home and Garden Network is a conspiracy to put a hammer in my hand. The network is a testament to home improvement that causes a gene snap to attention, gram some tools, and really screw things up.

The network is based on humiliating some poor male who somehow doesn’t measure up to the norm. There is fellow named Brian who has a very masculine shaved head and close-in-for-the-kill attitude. He can close in on a home improvement like a cruise missile and tease every single iota of manliness out of a neurosurgeon who has difficulty sawing a straight line.

‘Do you think that cut will help you bring this project up to code?”

“You’ve ever used a hammer or a saw, have you?”

“Is that your penis?”

“How’s that working for you?”

I am one who will not miss the lack of a television in my bedroom.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is a newly retired ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a former member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

SUCKING UP AT WORK

November 3, 2014

 

When one finally lands a job and uses all the tools at his or her disposal to get there – including sucking up (as all is fair in love, war and job search), they are confronted with the dilemma about where to go from here.
They need to decide whether they are going to keep it, and then they have to decide whether they want to get ahead on the job. Sucking up is relatively easy on the job. A suck up can use flattery where they slip in unsolicited support, they can conform to the boss (You like it and so do I) and they can do favours. The trouble is that the sucker will often lose the respect of his or her co-workers.
This is also a risk when a worker has genuine admiration for a boss, and will frequently agree with the boss at all costs.  It all boils down to office politics. How can you excel on the job without looking like a boob?
1. Be part of a team:
Instead of referring to the work that you are doing, refer to the work your team is doing, and show how you are part of that team.
2. Learn to lead:
Be a coach or mentor to team members who are struggling. Give them resources and show them how to use them. Prove to the powers that be that you are ready for the next level. (This is also a great way to hone those leadership skills.
3. Be a handy gadget:
Offer your services to Human Resources as someone who can help ‘onboarding new members. Keep your head up and your stick on the ice and look for opportunities to be helpful.
4. Listen to others:
This is possibly the best way to get ahead on the job. Listen to co-workers and ask questions about what you hear. People love to talk about themselves, and listening to them will give you an opportunity to build your own authenticity.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .
He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.
He is a newly retired ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a former member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”
He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

SUCKING UP: GETTING A JOB IN 2014

October 19, 2014

 

The other day I attended a brief presentation by the Western Canadian Manager for a company called Professional Warehouse Demonstrators. This is the company that dollops out copious quantities of Velveeta on crackers at all the Costco stores. I couldn’t wait for the lecture to finish so I could send two of my clients off to be professional dollopers.

Actually, I couldn’t wait for the lecture to end so I could chow down on a cracker loaded with antipasto. For me, Costco shopping is the perfect cheap date. I wear my bib.

I learned that I should send my candidates to her, and she, in turn, would send it to the appropriate manager. I did so, then I sent my two clients with resumes in hand to the stores in question to personally hand it to the local manager. They did so. One of them came back and reported that the manager had the flu, so she offered to make her a “Killer Chicken Wing Soup.”

“Would that be OK?” she asked. “Or would that be sucking up?”

“Yes to both” I said.

As I explained to my client, getting a job can often be difficult.

“Tell me about it,” she said. “Do you think that I I get the job that she’ll be after me to do all sorts of things?”

“Probably not.” I said. “You initiated the sucking up. If she found out you were a cook then asked asked you to make a killer chicken wing soup for her, she probably would be asking for stuff the rest of your life. Since you initiated it, you have the control.”

“How could she have initiated it,” she asked.

“I’ll give you an example,” I said. I once got a call from someone who just interviewed me. She said that I didn’t get the position, but she wondered if I would like to go on a date with her. I suppose that would open her up to a sexual harassment suit, but I don’t play that game. I’m too much of a hunk.

“What did you do,” my client asked.

I asked the interviewer whether a date with her might change her mind about her decision not to hire me.

“Probably,” she said. “But there are no guarantees.”

“I could see the writing on the wall,” I told my client. “If I went on the date and got the job, I’d probably have to go on several more dates to keep my job. That means that I would be forever sucking up and not enjoying my date. If I went on the date and didn’t get the job, that would be a waste of a perfectly good sucking. That would be sucking air.

“In your case, you have all the control.” I said. “Making the soup is playing the game. All is fair in love, war, and getting a job
My client left my office and spotted one of my co-workers. “Mike’s a real suck!” she told him.

Next week, how to get ahead without sucking up.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is a retired ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

GETTING A SHINER

October 5, 2014

I

The only way to save face when getting a black eye is to try to find a better way to explain it than what actually happened. This taxed my imagination on Wednesday when I found myself with a deep gash over my right eye and a rapid development of a blackish purplish hue spreading from my eyebrow to my cheek bone.

 

I could have said that I was attacked by a marauding street gang focusing on my cell phone that I had just used to photograph a sign announcing that a brand new store was opening up and they wanted resumes, but that would get the gang of construction workers who tried their best to apply First Aid to the unsightly mess into legal trouble.

 

Instead, I told the truth. I stumbled over a speed bump in the parking lot and did a one point landing on the pavement. I broke my glasses and knocked over a can of yellow paint they ere going to use to paint the speed bump. What I did was a classic face plant on the driveway and began to paint it myself with my own hemoglobin.

 

“Hey buddy, “ said one of the painters while dodging the tongue of yellow paint that was mixing with the fed of my blood creating a sickly orange. “Are you alright?”

 

“I don’t know yet,” I said while sorting out my bones, picking up the remnants of my glasses and checking to see if there was any damage to my cell phone. “How many points did I score?”

 

“Eight out of ten,” He said.

 

“Good,” I said. “I’d hate to think that I went through all of this for less than six out of ten.”

 

“You would have scored higher if you yelled, ‘Geronimo’ on the way down.”

 

“There wasn’t enough time.” I said.

 

“There never is” he said while fumbling through his First Aid kit for a butterfly bandage. The scream was a nice touch, though. It sounded like Goofy.”

 

“If it had to happen,” I said, “I’m glad I could do it where everybody could watch.”

 

“Thanks,” I said, thinking about getting back to my office to bleed over my next client.

 

I have had many black eyes over my lifetime – mostly because of biking. The last one prompted my MD to advise that I choose another form of transportation. I only had one opportunity to witness someone else getting a black eye. It was my old man on one of one our famous skiing calamities.

 

He was a tug boat captain, and ropes and knots were his hobby. Once, he showed me how to splice ropes. We were called upon to splice a rope tow that broke in the middle of our skiing escapade. I had a jackknife that was equipped with a marlin spike for the purpose. He tested it out himself. I suppose he was daydreaming about what would have happened if we had turned the rope tow into a Mobius loop as he got to the top of the hill. The rope caught him by the glasses and went, “Wakkawakkawakka,” as it vivisected his glasses and, “Thwak,” as the splice delivered the shiner.

 

One of the downsides of teaching fitness is that when you show up with a shiner, you have to explain it to the participants. They were kind. They didn’t have any this morning – except Robert the engineer.

 

“That puts me in mind of the Nativity” he said. Mary had just given birth, and the couple were trying to decide on a name.

 

They were, of course, in a barn. Joseph was pacing around, and he stepped on the upturned tines of a rake causing the handle to whack him in the eye.

 

“Jesus Christ,” he said.

 

“That’s a good one,” said Mary. “I was thinking of Wayne.”

 

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

 

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

 

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

 

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

 

 

 

IF I GET ANOTHER WORKSHOP ON MINDFULLNESS, I’LL SCREAM

October 1, 2014

“Let’s see you do that while you’re driving,” I said as the last presenter was attempting to guide a group of us cynics through a relaxation response.

“Yes,” she said. “Driving is a stressor in our society. We spend a good deal of time in our cars, but I wouldn’t recommend closing our eyes and imagining we are lying on the beach rather than the Massey tunnel. It might cause an accident. “

“She thinks I’m serious,” I thought.

I think that the relevance of mindfulness and meditation and going to ‘that special place’ is getting out of hand. I would wager that I have suffered through about 40 or 50 lectures on the topic in one form or another. I even used it myself as a group therapy for angry teenagers in an anger management program that I ran that culminated into combining stretching exercises with guided imagery and the relaxation response. (You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a group of 10 tattooed teens sentenced by the court to lay spread-eagled on the floor breathing through their abdomens and totally buying into the concept(s)).

Speaking of abdomens, mindfulness has also entered the realm of fitness. Generally, there are two types of choreographed fitness classes: freestyle and patterned choreography. Freestyle classes have little patterning. One’s mind is free to wander. I actually wrote an entire play while taking one of these. These classes tend to last forever.

Patterned classes have more complex choreography, and participants need to really concentrate on and coordinate their movements to avoid crashing into other participants. The concentration is so intense that an hour of cardio seems like a quarter of an hour.

I think that she was preaching to the choir last Tuesday in a retreat geared at teambuilding. I’m waiting to hear a lecture on mindlessness myself.

That was Tuesday. On Wednesday, in beautiful downtown Port Coquitlam it rained pitchforks and axe handles. Water, both from the ground and a newly formed hole in the roof turned our suite of offices into an aquarium. A stray sockeye salmon escaped from the nearby Coquitlam River and mistook the carpeting on my floor for a spawning bed. A few of us went home to retrieve our shop vacs that we bought for our own domestic disasters and fired them up in the offices. My co-workers were swinging mops emptying buckets. There was even one person using a snow shovel to pump out the door.

In the middle of the crisis, I told the manager that this was an excellent follow-up example of team building. “And team engagement,” he agreed. “There is no sign of mindfulness.”

The rain stopped and the water subsided. He bought us all pizza.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .
He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

OFTEN THE BEST RESULTS ARE IRREPRODUCABLE RESULTS

September 22, 2014

As a culture, we crave the opportunity to honor the best. Beauty pageants, Movie and Arts Awards and the Nobel Prizes.  There are awards for the best body builders and even fitness instructors have a chance at the podium. Luckily for people like me who have a passion for the absurd, the Ignoble also happen every year. In fact they happened last Thursday night. As always, they were sponsored by the Journal of Improbable Research and mirror the Nobel Prizes from the estate of Alfred Nobel – the inventor of dynamite.

The Prize for Physics

This went to the Japanese team of Kiyoshi Mabuchi, Kensei Tanaka, Daichi Uchijima and Rina Sakai, for measuring the friction between a shoe and a banana peel, and between a banana peel and the floor, when a person steps on a peeling and ends up on the floor. At least someone is paying attention. This gives the mathematics of one of the simplest forms of humour.

Frictional Coefficient under Banana Skin,” Kiyoshi Mabuchi, Kensei Tanaka, Daichi Uchijima and Rina Sakai, Tribology Online 7, no. 3, 2012, pp. 147-151.

Neuroscience

Peers honoured the Chinese and Canadian  team of Jiangang Liu, Jun Li, Lu Feng, Ling Li, Jie Tian, and Kang Lee, for trying to understand what happens in the brains of people who see the face of Jesus in a piece of toast. That had me wondering as well.

Seeing Jesus in Toast: Neural and Behavioral Correlates of Face Pareidolia,” Jiangang Liu, Jun Li, Lu Feng, Ling Li, Jie Tian, Kang Lee, Cortex, vol. 53, April 2014, Pages 60–77. The authors are at School of Computer and Information Technology, Beijing Jiaotong University, Xidian University, the Institute of Automation Chinese Academy of Sciences, Beijing, China, and the University of Toronto, Canada.

Psychology

The Australian team of Peter K. Jonason, Amy Jones, and Minna Lyons found a reason to examine people’s sleeping habits, concluding  that people who habitually stay up late are, on average, more self-admiring, more manipulative, and more psychopathic than people who habitually arise early in the morning.

Creatures of the Night: Chronotypes and the Dark Triad Traits,” Peter K. Jonason, Amy Jones, and Minna Lyons, Personality and Individual Differences, vol. 55, no. 5, 2013, pp. 538-541.

PUBLIC HEALTH PRIZE

The prize goes to the  Czech Republic, Japan, USA and India ( Jaroslav Flegr, Jan Havlíček and Jitka Hanušova-Lindova, and to David Hanauer, Naren Ramakrishnan, Lisa Seyfried, for determining whether it is mentally hazardous for a human being to own a cat. I’ve always said that if your cat bites you, bite him back

Changes in personality profile of young women with latent toxoplasmosis,” Jaroslav Flegr and Jan Havlicek, Folia Parasitologica, vol. 46, 1999, pp. 22-28.

Describing the Relationship between Cat Bites and Human Depression Using Data from an Electronic Health Record,” David Hanauer, Naren Ramakrishnan, Lisa Seyfried, PLoS ONE, vol. 8, no. 8, 2013, e70585.

Biology

This year the prize went to the Czech, German and Zambian trsm of Vlastimil Hart, Petra Nováková, Erich Pascal Malkemper, Sabine Begall, Vladimír Hanzal, Miloš Ježek, Tomáš Kušta, Veronika Němcová, Jana Adámková, Kateřina Benediktová, Jaroslav Červený and Hynek Burda, They found that when dogs defecate and urinate, they prefer to align their body axis with Earth’s north-south geomagnetic field lines. Does this mean that if you get lost without a compass, you tell north by how the dog dumps?

Dogs are sensitive to small variations of the Earth’s magnetic field,” Vlastimil Hart, Petra Nováková, Erich Pascal Malkemper, Sabine Begall, Vladimír Hanzal, Miloš Ježek, Tomáš Kušta, Veronika Němcová, Jana Adámková, Kateřina Benediktová, Jaroslav Červený and Hynek Burda, Frontiers in Zoology, 10:80, 27 December 27, 2013.

Arts

Italian researchers ran away with the prize. Marina de Tommaso, Michele Sardaro, and Paolo Livrea, measured pain people suffer while looking at an ugly painting, rather than a pretty painting, while being shot [in the hand] by a powerful laser beam. Fellini was on to something. Next we’ll have drive-in biker flicks in the ruins of the Coliseum.

Aesthetic value of paintings affects pain thresholds,” Marina de Tommaso, Michele Sardaro, and Paolo Livrea, Consciousness and Cognition, vol. 17, no. 4, 2008, pp. 1152-1162.

Economics

Italy was on the podium again as   Italian government’s National Institute of Statistics, for fulfilling the European Union mandate for each country to increase the official size of its national economy by including revenues from prostitution, illegal drug sales, smuggling, and all other unlawful financial transactions. I thought Stats Canada would have worn for proudly proclaiming that 200 jobs were created in Canada in July.

European System of National and Regional Accounts (ESA 2010),” Luxembourg: Publications Office of the European Union, 2013.

Medicine

This went to the USA nad India where  Ian Humphreys, Sonal Saraiya, Walter Belenky and James Dworkin, treated “uncontrollable” nosebleeds, using the method of nasal-packing-with-strips-of-cured-pork. What will the do with bleeding hemorrhoids?

Nasal Packing With Strips of Cured Pork as Treatment for Uncontrollable Epistaxis in a Patient with Glanzmann Thrombasthenia,” Ian Humphreys, Sonal Saraiya, Walter Belenky and James Dworkin, Annals of Otology, Rhinology and Laryngology, vol. 120, no. 11, November 2011, pp. 732-36.

Arctic Science

Norway Germany, USA and Canada shared this one as Eigil Reimers and Sindre Eftestøl, for testing how reindeer react to seeing humans who are disguised as polar bears.It could have been polar bears disguised as humans

Response Behaviors of Svalbard Reindeer towards Humans and Humans Disguised as Polar Bears on Edgeøya,” Eigil Reimers and Sindre Eftestøl, Arctic, Antarctic, and Alpine Research, vol. 44, no. 4, 2012, pp. 483-9.

Nutrition 

The coveted prize weht to the Spanish  team of  Raquel Rubio, Anna Jofré, Belén Martín, Teresa Aymerich, and Margarita Garriga, for their study isolating lactic acid bacteria form baby poop and using it to make fermented sausages Is that how they make cocktail weenies?

Characterization of Lactic Acid Bacteria Isolated from Infant Faeces as Potential Probiotic Starter Cultures for Fermented Sausages.” Raquel Rubio, Anna Jofré, Belén Martín, Teresa Aymerich, Margarita Garriga, Food Microbiology, vol. 38, 2014, pp. 303-311.

I suppose I look forward to these annual ceremonies because the resemble the type pf work I was doing as a grad student in archaeology. I was identifying chemicals (blood, fat, pitch and amino acids) from stone tools. I was getting blood from stone, in other words. The work did carry on without me. Only recently, researchers determined an early date for the domestication of the horse, as they identified mare’s milk from an ancient piece of pottery.

You might ask how that has anything to do with the domestication of the horse intil you picture yourself trying to milk a wild one.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

FROM TOSHIBA TO THE TRAPEZE – A LOGICAL CAREER CHANGE

September 8, 2014

There are three things on the bucket list of any red-blooded Canadian: to find a way  to cheat on their Employment Insurance, to write the Great Canadian Novel, and to run away and join the circus.

I have always been partial to the last one. When I was eight, I rigged up a tight rope in the basement between two supporting four by fours. It was only a foot off the ground and went all of fifteen feet. I assembled by two sisters and the cat to watch as I stepped on the rope while holding a bamboo pole that one once part of the grass rake. The rope touched the floor.  I wasn’t as exciting as I thought it was going to be.

 I moved the rope higher, and used a turnbuckle at one end to add tension. I used a chair to mount it, and took my first steps , There were only two of them as the rope began to vibrate. I lost my footing and landed with the rope at the confluence of my anatomy. My but landed on the floor, but the rope launched me like a Polaris missile off the floor, the off the ceiling, then into the cat box.

My sisters applauded. I cleaned up the kitty litter.

My next circus stunt involved a trapeze that was set up at whistler. There I hung upside down on a swing as I watched the owner of the trapeze run around underneath me picking up all the change that fell out of my pockets.

A couple of weeks ago I had a notification that one of my contacts, Pixie-Ann just landed a new position. When I first met her at the Vancouver Board of Trade she was a commercial representative for Staples. Then she went to another company to sell other stationery products and computers. I don’t think she liked it there much. They made her drop the Pixie part of here name.

Now she has a new job. She is the is the Antigravity Fitness and Aerial Silks Instructor, Front of House Representative at the Vancouver Circus school in New Westminster.

I emailed her my congratulations and invited myself to her school. She said to come on Saturday.

The school is located inside New Westminster quay, It has a high ceiling with aerial apparatus all over the place. I witnessed students putting on performances that I spent $100 to see at Cirq de Soleil. There were tumblers, acrobats, jugglers and people doing gravity defying tricks on a contraption Pixie-Ann described as a Chinese Pole.

Pixie-Ann had a wonderful smile when I was there. I commented that this looked infinitely more fun than selling Toshibas.

“You have to follow your passion,” she said.  “I also teach an Aerial Yoga class at Steve Nash Fitness World downtown. It’s like Yoga on a hammock.”

“Tell me you’re not going to get me to do a  hand stand on a hammock.”  I said.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “ It’s very safe.”

I love seeing people make big career changes.

She asked me if I wanted to try the trapeze when I realized I had too much change in my pocket. I do, however , have a granddaughter that I would like to bring.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

 

ON A KNEES TO NOSE BASIS – MY JOURNEY WITH OSTEOARTHRITIS

September 1, 2014

People in my fitness classes have learned over the years that I have actually been instructing in a fair bit of distress owing to the onset of osteoarthritis in my knees. I t happened as the result of genetics. My father had it. He told me when I was a teenager that he was planning to hang up his skis and take up golfing.

My grandfather used to scamper around the house with his cane mixing up a concoction of egg whites, turpentine and  other tree exudates  in his liniment bottle that he and my father applied liberally to their limbs while leaning on the fence in the back yard. I thought they were drinking the stuff.

It could also be used as a bear repellent.

I dreaded the day that I would have to join them there as a right of passage. T thought that nothing good could come from drinking anything from a tree – with the exception of coffee and cocoa.  They both passed away before I experienced my own knee degeneration.

It the first incident was while cycling. Then while playing broomball, Aerobics tended to make the pain go away, and it still does. Walking made it worse. I need to pause every few blocks to do some jumping jacks ans squats. So much for romantic walks on the sea wall.

Here are some of the things I have tried, besides teaching fitness, to alleviate the symptoms.

  • Liniments such as Canada Healing oil rubbed onto the joint relieves the pain
  • Ice relieves the pain
  • Heat relieves the pain
  • Cold followed by heat relieves the pain
  • Heat followed by cold followed by liniment sounds stupid, but it relieves the pain

All of these treatments releave the pain, but I became worried about becoming a turpentine/camphor/heat/ice addict and the pain always came back. The only thing that really worked was teaching fitness – probably because it produces a whole lot of synovial fluid that keeps my bones from rubbing together for the duration of the class and a few hours after.

I looked for medical remedies:

  • I was prescribed an extra strong dose of naproxen that made me sick
  • I got X-Rays and a referral to a rheumatologist
  • The rheumatologist gave me a shot of cortisone that had a good effect until I started actuall use my knee.
  • He gave me another shot. It didn’t get better, but it didn’t get cured either
  • He gave me a shot of Synvisc – an artificial cartilage that worked well for about 3 weeks. That worked for a couple of weeks with a cost of $500 per knee. I’ll stick with walking and jumping jacking.
  • The rheumatologist referred be to a place that would prepare me for knee surgery
  • More recently, I have been receiving deep laser deep laser treatment. That seems to be working. I have had 6 treatments so far and I can make it 3 blocks  without doing jumping jacks.

On Friday, at my last treatment, I told the doctor (a chiropractor this time) that I just read an article that said people were taking cartilage from the nose septum, growing it in a culture, then injecting it into the knee and watching it grow. According to the article (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140828090200.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily%2Ftop_news%2Ftop_science+%28ScienceDaily%3A+Top+Science+News%29 )

Now, if you catch me walking around with a Band-Aid on my snoot, you can guess what happened, but I’ll only let you know on a knees to nose basis.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.

DID YOU EVER HEAR ABOUT MOUNT MAZAMA?

August 25, 2014

That’s what I asked my dentist last Thursday. He had. He told me that it was one of the volcanoes in the Cascade Range of Washington, Oregon, and California. Other volcanoes in the range include Mt. Shasta, Mt.  St. Helen, Mt Hood, Mt. Rainier, and Mt. Baker as examples of live volcanoes that have been erupting off and on for the past 400,000 years.

As I mentioned to the doc, Mt. Mazama is one of those that underwent a colossal eruption 7,700 years ago that resulted in the creation of Crater Lake – a famous seasonal resort in Oregon. The Doc said that there were rocks the size of Volkswagens that became part of the landscape in central Saskatchewan.   

That was one big blow, I said.

I told him that archaeologists often uncover a lens of ash that can be fingerprinted by trace minerals to belong to the same volcano. That’s a good sign. Anything found below the ash layer is older than 7,700 years, and anything above it is younger.

“Why did you come in here to tell me that?” He asked. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a root canal?”

I thought that you might like to know, because i have a molar next to a wisdom tooth that did a pretty fair imitation of Mt Mazama over the weekend.

“Hmmm,” he said. “Does it hurt?”

“Not now, I said. But I have a feeling that if the remnant fills up with water, speculators will want to open a resort.”

A quarter of an hour later, I was in his chair while he probed the depth of my new geological landform. He took an X-Ray and proclaimed that it must have been quite a show. He also said that my tooth is legally dead, and it needed to come out on Saturday morning at 11:00.

Now I’m grieving my tooth. I took it home to donate it to the SFU Archaeology Department.

Mike Broderick , a one- time archaeologist, is a Vocational Rehabilitation Counsellor with the Fraser Health Authority in Port Coquitlam where he helps people with mental health disabilities find and keep full or part time employment .

He WAS the Employment Specialist for the Neil Squire Society in Burnaby where he found employment for people with physical disabilities, A Supported Employment Coordinator at THEO BC (now the Open Door Group), and a case manager at Community Fisheries Development Centre where he helped people move from the fishing industry to something else because there, “Aint no fish.” This means he is VERY familiar with how a modern day resume should look.

He is an active ambassador with the Vancouver Board of Trade and a member of the Labour Task Force of the Burnaby Board of Trade He does some work as a field Archaeologist, is a fitness instructor and frequent contributor of fitness humour articles to Alive Magazine. He is always saying, “If you can’t be fit, you can at least be funny.”

He lives in Port Coquitlam with his spouse Cecelia. You can reach him at home at michael_broderick@telus.net or at 604-464-4105. If you’re looking for a career change, he is the Spin Doctor and can give you a resume makeover at competitive rates.


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